America, F*CK YEAH

So I recently went on a road trip, helping my good friends Jamie and Jason Buchensky move all their worldly possessions down to Austin, Texas. 850 miles and 14 hours of road tripping to be exact. Enough time for me to ponder a few things and to get brazenly sentimental about the good old US of A. America, Fuck Yeah. Thanks Trey Parker you uncle sam-loving- mothafucka. So here are a few things I came up with. What'chu got?

1) Football - Last week was opening week in the NFL. Pure heaven. Greedy investment bankers, electrical union workers and butt-crack exposing construction workers finally have something to look forward to all week. I gotta say, I look forward to Sundays more than ever. A true religion. Yeah those hooligans across the pond have soccer every weekend but I'm betting our football tradition trumps theirs just like everything else we do. Jamie, Jason and I went to The Tavern in Austin. The beer was cold, the HD was crisp and the waitresses were straight out of a UT sorority. Dun-dun-dun duhhhhhh.

2) Roadtrips - I've driven all over this fine country of ours many times, north, south, east and west. The open road is an American institution owing to our love of cars and the vast expanse we stole from the Native Americans and the French. Really, we could build a high speed rail network like Europe, but what fun is that? Packing up the car, flipping on the shades and hitting the road for a full day of driving just feels good. For Booch and Jason, every mile we gobbled up was one mile closer to their new life and one mile farther away from their old one. Ahh roadtrips. 

3) Extremes - Jogging around Lake Austin I was thinking, "Man, look at these people. They're nuts." It was mid-day, hot Texas sun beating down, 93 humid degrees and tons of freaky folks were out essentially committing voluntary torture, yours truly included. Clearly Europeans and other developed countries aren't this fanatical about fitness. But they also don't have the fatties we do. Believe me, I saw a few of those in Texas. But I honestly think America's fattest 5% are the fattest in the world and America's fittest 5% are the fittest in the world. Fergie knows what I'm talking about. 
And the very next day my theory was confirmed as America's B team (minus Durant - dude is a top 5 stud balla in the world) whooped Turkey in the FIBA finals to breeze to a gold medal. In the most athletic sport we sent our farm squad and embarrassed people. Nuff said. 

4) BBQ - French, Italian, Chinese, blah blah blah. So they are fine cuisines and rightfully play a role in what Americans eat but give me a slab of meat cooked over an open flame any day of the week. I don't care that Zagat's didn't rate it in one of their snooty books. Its damn good and as far as I can tell, all American. Geez, you thought people in the south see football as a religion? Try bar-b-que! It gets downright nasty with each region claiming theirs is the best. But you know who the winner in all this is? Me and You. These crackpot chefs slave away for hours to achieve the best tastes around. In the end, my oversized appetite benefits. I had some brisket down in Austin and man was it good. I'll take that over a escargot any day. 

 What do you like about our country that everyone claims is going down the shitter?